If you want to find yourself by traveling out west

OK, you guys, so last night while Lisa was at dance I wrote up the whole glacier trip story, AND then I did my week from Franz Josef to Dunedin. And I was just going to update once, but then I was like, "I HAVE the entry about the west coast, I should post it" so I am. So what I'm saying is, scroll down and read "There are no bad words for the coast today" first, and then this one because that's the order. And I'm done with the next week, but I'll wait a little while to post it because I don't want to overload you. Dude, unemployed--in-Chch Kate is so useful to you guys, she writes about everything. Onwards!

The TranzAlpine train from Christchurch to Greymouth is meant to be one of the greatest train rides in the world, and it was indeed quite majestic. It cuts across the middle of the South Island so you see all these moutains and things. I'm crap at explaining, but it's beautiful. I'm also crap at pictures, so I don't have any. Ben's toyed with the idea of taking the train, so maybe he will and he will have pictures. Also, it was rainy on the West coast, so mine wouldn't be so lovely. Also, pictures aren't really that useful when the most impressive part is the bigness of everything. You know what I mean? Maybe you do.

So I got to Greymouth, where it was helpfully pouring down rain. And my hostel was helpfully really far away. As you can tell, I'm using the word “helpfully” with sarcasm. Keep up. Anyway, I eventually gave up on carrying my backpack so far in the rain (see: Wellington) and so I got the iSite to call the hostel and they came to pick me up. Now, when I got to the Global Village hostel, I was quite impressed and I'll tell you why. I often use the adjectives “cute” or “adorable” to describe the hostels I stay in. I like “cute” and “adorable.” Probably my favorite hostel of all is the one I'm in now in Christchurch church, which has a Steel Magnolias poster and guinea pigs. You can't GET much cuter than guinea pigs, even if that white one totally ran away from me today when I tried to pet it. Dude, what was up with that? Anyway, the hostel in Greymouth was not cute or adorable. It was straight-up nice. Nice bathrooms, nice bedrooms, nice kitchen, nice everything. NICE. Probably the nicest hostel I have ever stayed in, and leagues ahead of some hotels I've stayed in. If you ever find yourself in Greymouth, New Zealand, stay at Global Villages. It's like 3 miles away or something, but it's totally worth it. ANYway, before I gave up on walking, I ran into this guy and our brief exchange went something like this:
Him: Big backpack.
Me: Don't I know it.
Him: Where are you off to?
Me: Attempting to locate my hostel. You?
Him: Same. I might just stay at the YHA. Any plans for tonight?
Me: Nope. Locate hostel, get out of the rain, eat something. That's as far as my plans go.
Him: Well, a bunch of people are going to this brewery tour thing at 6. It's like $25 and it includes dinner. You should come.
Me: OK, maybe.
Him: Cool. I'm gonna go use the ATM.
Now, this was sort of bizarre, but we take things in stride. Anyway, I was thinking about this and thinking that a brewery tour seemed fun and also dry, so I decided to do it. Also, the brewery in Greymouth is Monteith's, and Monteith's is really good, so I figured it was a win. Also, when people I barely know invite me to do things, my main concern is that I'll show up and they won't actually be there. However, in this case, I wasn't so invested in Random Guy showing up, I kind of just wanted to do the tour. So after locating the hostel, getting out of the rain, and eating something, I called up the number on the flyer I saw and booked for the tour. While waiting for my transport, I met some British folks who were also going to the tour, and I got to talking to them. We did the tour, which wasn't much, but the beer was good, and we moved on to the dinner, which also wasn't much but the beer was good. It was me, the 3 British people I'd met already, and some other people from the tour. It actually made for a really nice dinner. We stayed late, but the pub where dinner was never did get busy, so we left and I spent the rest of the evening in the British dorm chatting with Fi, one of the girls I'd met, and her Australian dormmate.

The next day, I talked to MY Australian dormmate, and then read for a while before my bus to Franz Josef. I finished Joyce Carol Oates's We Were the Mulvaneys, which was pretty damn good, and started some James Patterson novel called The Lake House (not the basis for the Sandra Bullock movie, I'm pretty sure, since this was “horror.” That's in quotes because it was pretty bad and not as horrifying as it thought it was. Or, possibly, as the Sandra Bullock movie) which was TERRIBLE. I've told many, many people how bad this was, and it turned out that Nich had read it years ago and she agrees. Do not read this book if you like reading. It will make you sad. Anyway, while in Greymouth, I texted my friend Sabina from Taupo all, “We should meet up at some point.” I'd liked the look of Arthur's (apostrophe? No apostrophe? Hell if I know, and the wireless here is by the hour and my computer says he'll die in 34 minutes – which is bullshit, FYI – so I'm not looking it up) Pass when I'd passed through it on the train, and I knew she'd already done much of the West Coast and was heading up the East (getting into Christchurch just in time to miss me, naturally), so I suggested we meet up there. She was noncommittal so I continued on my planned itinerary. FYI, my planned itinerary was as follows:
Greymouth -> Franz Josef Glacier -> Fox Glacier -> Wanaka -> Queenstown -> Lake Tekapo -> Christchurch -> Wellington -> Taupo -> Auckland -> USA

Well, well. So I went to Franz and I booked a half-day glacier tour, and then I wandered around the eensy town for a bit, and then I texted Sabina for a while and decided to meet up with her on Saturday, then e-mailed Nich about how I was booked for a half day tour but kind of secretly wanted a full-day one instead. So then I went and rebooked for a full-day tour.

Next day! Look at this, we are rolling right through.
So the glacier trip started at some obscenely early hour like 9am. Something like that. I went over and I paid the difference for my full-day tour, sat through the obligatory “If you have leg injuries or heart injuries or are pregnant or whatever, you might reconsider this one,” wisely ignored it because it's not like I ever have tons of pain in my right knee or anything, and then we collected stuff. You get like all of your stuff from the Glacier Guides place. So I got boots and special socks and then I took them all off and put tape all over my feet to prevent blisters. I then got cramp-ons, which are those spikey things you attach to your boots when you're walking on ice, say, or a glacier. Then we got gloves and a hat. I did not wear the hat, but the gloves were useful and it was also good that I had my own gloves for when the borrowed ones were soaked through. Then I got a special blue waterproof overcoat. Then we were on the bus!
So they bring you to the car park and they guide you down through this path and then you go on your very own I Paid For This Tour, Dammit trail through the rain forest. FACT TIME! New Zealand features two of the three glaciers in the world that feed into rain forests. And Franz Josef is one of them! As is Fox Glacier, just down the road from Franz (haven't been there yet, although BVS was set to go today, so hopefully), and some glacier in Patagonia. Anyway, so we got to the like glacial-bed-type-thing. This whole area of fallen rock and non-rain-forest that is where a river currently runs and the glacier used to be. I think. Anyway, so you get there (some of you have seen pictures!) and the glacier looks all close but it is NOT. So then you hike for a while, and then you head back into the rain forest and it wasn't raining, but there were little miniwaterfalls that we had to go through at times. Luckily the boots they give you are 1) not yours and 2) waterproof. So you have to like hold onto ropes and branches and stuff, and maybe if you're a superKiwi adventure-girl, you don't need to, but I was raised on Ruffles and TV, so I need ropes and the occasional piggyback. Kidding. Apparently I'm kind of good to hike with, says those people who've hiked with me. And I ate lemons while I watched TV. But that's neither here nor there. So I did OK. Still used the ropes, though, because waterfall-covered rocks are slippery, bet you didn't know that one.

Anyway, after going through the rain forest, which is kind of cool (especially a snake-free rain forest NEW ZEALAND IS FILLED WITH FUN FOR THE WHOLE SNAKE-FEARING FAMILY!), we got back to that rocky area and walked there for a little bit and then we got to the glacier face. In the pictures it looks more daunting, but I think that's camera angles. They make it seem like it's straight up and you have to like grab on with claw things and stuff. Not so. It's actually just a really steep staircase made of ice! I know, ice-staircase, you get it all in the Southern hemisphere. Anyway, there was another helpful rope-handle that you had to hold onto, not that you'd want to let go. So then you get up there and you walk on the ice! Woo! It's actually pretty interesting and one of those things that I wouldn't mind doing multiple times. Because unlike most hiking trails, the glacier is moving all the time, so you could go on today and have one experience and go on in a week and have a whole different one! Ace. Oh! A point! We started off as one big group, and then we split into 3 groups of....30, I think? Yeah. Based kind of on how much you think you can handle. So like Group A is the group that's gonna be, like, making the trail really, so you should have all kinds of mad skillz. Well, actually, I don't know if you need all kinds, but I do know that the first thing they said was “balance,” so I tuned out the rest. Then Group B is like intermediate and Group C is sort of the people who might need stuff set up a bit. You kind of make the train as you are on the trail, so by the time Group C gets there, it's pretty well set. Anyway, once we get to the glacier face, you split each group in half. So Group A becomes Groups 1 and 2, my Group B became Groups 3 (with me) and 4, and then Group C was 5 and 6. So then we get like a lecture about glaciers that I don't remember much of except when someone (possibly...Franz Josef...) started doing the glacier guiding, they would have the participants leave their shoes outside their door the night before and then they'd go around hammering nails through the bottom. So I am glad they don't do that anymore. So then we set off! Woo!

Back to the ice. We walked for a bit and I thought about how lovely it was and about how scary some of those holes in the ice that go waaaaaay down are and how all was good. My group was pretty cool, but that'll be more important later. Also, I knew none of their names. That's how it goes sometimes. Anyway, we stopped for lunch for a bit, and we got to slide through an ice cave (apparently Fox has more ice caves, but Franz is still considered superior. By...that girl I met at Mulligan's that time) and then we continued. I can't really think of other stuff to say. Oh, well, sometimes we'd get to these really steep little things that we had to go down and they'd screw in a little rope so that we could hold on. And it was kind of scary, but you could get halfway down and just swing down on the rope, which was fun. Also, I now am like totally trusting of ropes. So please do not fool me with a rope. Anyway! What else fun about the trip. Oh! At one point the guy in front of me who was from Chicago stepped down into this little puddle but it wasn't a big deal because it looked shallow, only it completely wasn't and he sunk in about halfway up his calf before he caught himself. So be careful where you step.

Anyway, so off we go around the glacier. It is sometimes challenging, but in general, great fun. Then our guide, Simon, is like, “I need to go help the first two guides finish up the track” which is, you know, reassuring. So we stop for a while, which is nice because then you sort of cool down from hiking. The Group 4 guide passes us. We hang out. Now we've passed “cool down” and the jackets come back out. They often got stored away during the hike. Then it's been like 20 minutes and we're like, “Where...is...anyone.” Eventually a guide who can see us, but is really far ahead is like, “Simon's group! You can go forward!” So we go, only we get a little bit in and the second girl can't get up on a ledge because it is high. So the Group 5 guide has to catch up and help us, which is nice of him, but kind of crap for him because he is now guiding groups 3-5. He points out as much on his walkee-talkee and sends for back-up. Simon arrives back and is like, “Well, up ahead there is this crevice. Is anyone scared of tight spaces?” There is some debate over whether this tight crevice is do-able. I, personally, am all Go Big or Go Home! but not everyone agrees (actually, being a tight crevice, I suppose it'd be Go Small or Go Home. Ha. Ha-ha. Ha. I just slow-laughed myself, ladies and gentlemen). So eventually we decide to, you know, go big or go home. So we head on down!

It is indeed tight. I mean, breathable, but we're pretty squished in there, and the ice melts and you get pretty wet. Luckily my camera survived. You take off your backpack and trail it behind. You turn sideways and keep your feet in a straight line. You know, the usual. However, then we get to the part he COMPLETELY DID NOT MENTION about how it's tight and, oh right, after a while you can't step on the floor because it's unstable. So we're single-file-lining it through this ice crevice by shoving our feet onto these carved-out ledges in the wall. And there's a drop-of-unknown-depth below us! Also, the crevice has widened enough that probably a Kate-sized person could drop down there and never be heard from again. ALSO at one point I head Simon mumble something and then heard someone else say, “Did he just say, 'Don't look down'?!” which is pretty much the last thing you want to hear when you're climbing in ice. So we carried on, and I tried to allow the guy in front of me ample room to back up, should he need it. Also, the girl in front of the guy in front of me knocked off a little piece of the wall-ledge, and the piece fell and we didn't hear it impact anything. So that was scary. And then we'd continue and sometimes you'd have to turn around to the person behind you and warn, “Don't step on that piece that's about to fall.” It's very fun, this glacier thing, I highly recommend it. However, then we got to this...other ledge. The ellipses are because I'm really having trouble describing this experience. Anyway. So we get to this ledge ahead of us. And I can't remember how high it was on me. Basically, it's about a step ahead, and the wall-ledges for your feet end and you need to get from the wall-ledges to this new ledge and it was probably about to my rib-cage? So not exactly the easiest step up ever. So it was then that I realised that I was, what's the word, scared out of my mind. And I thought, well, being terrified isn't really going to help me out here, so I guess I just need to, you know, go big or go home. So I went big. And by “went big,” I mean I somehow elbowed myself up enough to give me the height to shove my knee over the ledge and get up there. Then I turned back and the girl behind me was like, “OK. How. Did you do that.” And I then had to tell her that I was so scared at that moment that I literally could not exactly remember. I just...did it. I advised her to use her elbows and offered to hold her backpack and yeah. Was otherwise unhelpful because holy crap was that scary. I described it to my friend Helen as akin to that time I wrapped my car around a tree, except I don't think that was as bad. Certainly scary, but over really quickly. This was like, “Oh, god, I could die. OK, repress that thought. Somehow you need to live. Get. On. Ledge.” It was a technique of not flipping out that I also used this past weekend on the longest bridge ever (or, actually, in New Zealand) at night with trucks coming at me in the opposite direction. For my first time driving on the left side of the road. But, hey, I've lived to tell both these tales. Maybe I'll even survive Australia!
Anyway. So once we got over the hell-ledge, things were looking up. Except they kind of weren't because we were kind of still in Scary Crevice and I still kept hearing people say, “OK, that was the worst part” and I would be like, “What? How was that ledge not the worst part? What do you see that I can't see?” Luckily, the guy and girl in front of me were kind of awesome. And by that I mean at one point when I thought I was going to die, they both burst out laughing and then I burst out laughing and at least I wasn't crying, right? I mentioned that I appreciated it. Anyway, eventually we made it to this crazy ice-staircase that was, like, vertical. But it had a helpful rope! So we got up and out into the sun!

And into another crevice. I'm a proud girl, I am, but I almost cried then and there. ANOTHER ONE. Luckily I happened to hear, “Can we step on the floor of this one?” “Oh, yeah, this one's fine” so that was a relief. So I swung down on another rope and promptly smacked my head on the side of the crevice wall. Because I can make it out of the deadly one, but then knock myself out during the easy bit. There was a dazed moment where I did think I was going to pass out, but it went away. So...yay?

Then we were informed that the other groups totally wussed out and didn't try the crevice. Losers. I mean, geez. I think groups 1 and 2 did it, but not the rest of 'em. Lame! Also, by this point I think that either my knee just started to hurt, or the terror and cold had anesthetized it and now I was feeling it, but holy crap did my knee hurt. So the trek down was far less enjoyable than it could have been, but it happened. And then the folks from my tour invited me for drinks later, but drinks did not equal a shower and sleeping, so I wound up bailing. I intended to go, though, and it's the thought that counts.