I Am America (And So Can You!): Stories from a Day at Work
The phone rings! Despite that I avoid answering it, I can't really ignore the thing ringing right next to my hand for longer than 4 rings. So I answer and it's a woman calling about the kitchenhand job. I go over to my (South African) boss, but he's making Hollandaise sauce, and so just answers through me. After I hang up:
Boss: You Americans, you're so polite.
Me: Well, we do try.
Boss: When you're not bombing the shit out of other countries
Me: You know, when politeness doesn't work.
Later, I am cleaning some coffee cups (I really, really didn't want to close, but at the same time knew that if I WERE to close, it'd be damn easier if I'd gotten a ton of stuff done before the rest of the waiters left) and my boss is speaking to my (Canadian) coworker about something. Anyway, I overhear the end of the conversation:
Boss: The Americans spent millions of dollars and two years developing a pen that could write in space. You know what the Russians did? They used a pencil.
Coworker laughs
Me: Hey. That pen also writes underwater.
ALSO TODAY!
I passed this guy sitting at a table outside that is really far from the door, and I offered him an ash tray because I saw he had a pack of cigarettes. And he accepted and was very nice, and our exchange was brief, but for some reason I felt like I knew his accent. But it certainly wasn't mine. So I decide I am crazy. Later, I bring out his bill and he's like, "Here, I'll give you this" and pulls out a credit card from inside his US passport. So I'm like, "Hey, where are you from?" and he's like, "Tennessee" which explains the familiar/unfamiliar accent. And I say I'm from Upstate New York and he's like, "Where?" so I say, "Albany" and he's all, "My Dad is from Schenectady." Small world, right? I bring back the bill, and he's like, "So have you been to SPAC?" and I don't even process that familiarity, because I'm so out of place and I think it's some Kiwi thing and say no, and then it clicks and I'm like, "Wait. Yes. Saratoga Performing Arts Center?" and he's all, "Yeah, I saw the Allman Brothers there. Great venue" and then we talked about SPAC. I talked about SPAC with a boy from Tennessee in the middle of the North Island of New Zealand. What the hell!!
Later on that night, I went to table 22 to deliver drinks, and it was not my table but if you take drinks and they seem ready to order, you might as well take their order. And the lady definitely sounded American, but the gentleman decidedly did not, so I ignored it, but then she was like, "Where are you from?" and I Upstate-New-York-ed and she was like, "California!" (also funny because the people who'd been sitting at 23 where just telling me they met Californians all the time) and then we got into the "How long have you been here?"s and when I said end of October, she was like, "Did you vote." and I said yes, absentee, and then she gave me a high-five and it was awesome. Then we talked about the election for a while, and brainstormed on how to watch the inauguration (her: "How will you see it?" me: "I'm assuming it'll be covered, I just have to get up at 6am." We decided it must be on CNN). Then I had to extract myself because I feel bad chatting when it's busy, but then my boss's wife left later, and they were paying, and I was like, "It was great to meet you!" and then we talked for like 10 minutes about how awesome Barack Obama is and how psyched we are about this whole thing and how miserable the last 8 years have been, and how tough the Clinton/Obama choice was initially, but then how it became clear that the Clinton campaign was a bit of a mess and we didn't want any part of it, and I just generally had a really terrific conversation with her. It rocked!! Also, at one point she was like, "I just can't believe how he's already taken over so much! It's never been like this before!" and I said, "Well, he's pretty much been President since Hillary Clinton conceded," which she found funny.
Also, a table full of British girls tried to tip me about $25 which might not sound like much to you, but tipping is not a thing in New Zealand, so that's kind of awesome. We couldn't add it onto the card, so I wound up only getting around $14, but that's still damn good and since we split tips anyway, it's kind of the thought that counts.
And then my boss asked me if I wanted to leave at 9:30 or close, and I was like, "Um. Leave." and I got to. So, you know. Ace.
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Very entertaining (except for that Hillary stuff that I am trying to ignore)! Thank you for writing again! I can't tell you how exciting it is to check the RSS feed twice in one week and see that there is something new! Awesome! I miss you, but I like to hear that you are having fun.
ReplyDeleteI second what Vicki said. I read your blog yesterday, then came back today and there was another post! All very exciting. And entertaining too. You Americans are so polite. Anyway, toodles!
ReplyDeleteThe what now? Ohhh the inauguration. That little thing. You want to know what that's really like? Well, it's a cold snap here in DC and everyone is complaining about the ::gasp:: zero degree temperature as i it were absolute zero and can't get any colder. But I guess if you live here it's rare enough you'd be so aghast but zero? Yeah that's like t-shirt weather in Rochester. Dad had an offer of tickets to the main event and turned them down on my behalf. I suspect me going would have scared him too much. But also there are millions of people descending on Washington. But what there are more of are two things: Obama merchandise and companies using Obama slogans and catch words to promote products. For example Pepsi has signs all over the revolving doors to Union Station (the station proper, not the metro where there are usually ads). These signs say, alternately, Hope and Joy. Because nothing gives you joy like cola. Secondly, there are IKEA signs on the metro in certain stations that say "Embrace Change." I don't really get that one though, like embrace a change of furniture? Then there's the Obama Merch. Now there's been more O'Merch since the beginning of his campaign, sure, but this has reached epic levels. For one thing there are actual OBAMA STORES. That's right, stores that sell nothing but Obama pins, tshirts, hats, bags and anything else that anyone could think of. Please note that these are also busy to mobbed in terms of customers. Then there's all the carts outside? You know the ones that sell tshirts and Bill and Hillary magnets from 1992? Yeah those are traveling Obama Merchandisers. And it's amazing. Things that seem popular: Beadazzled Obama Logo Sweatshirts, Pictures of you with the Obama cutout (now I'm sure you're happy you got yours with J. Mac when you had the chance) Pins with all kinds of backgrounds with Obama's face. Then there's Obama cookies, cupcakes, etc. There are cookies that look like the man's face. Then there is a commemorative Smarttrip Card for the metro, as well as the paper cards have him on them now. And then everywhere you look homeless people are wearing Obama hats too, like maybe the campaign went out and bought some to make sure all the homeless were warm and Obama-y. For weeks there have ben people handing out fliers to help you rent out your studio to Inaugural tourists. And now they begin to descend. There were dozens of idiota with big suitcases on the metro today at rush hour blocking everything up. And there are big crowds at every stop even though it's only Thursday. Everyone is discussing all the roads closed, including the fact that they are closed to bicycles. If you're coming from Virginia, you have to leave your bike on the other side of the line and walk. There's a security area cordoned off for blocks around the parade route and the West Portico of the Capitol building and people are being told not to bring strollers or bags etc. And still they come. Everything is shutting down this weekend, we are off Tuesday and Monday and there are rumors of Wednesday as well. I think this is in preparation for the Dick Cheney appearance wherein if he emerges from the bunker and sees his shadow, it's six more weeks of George Bush. It's too bad, but those are the rules. So that's the update from DC, damn cold, full of tourists and the coast guard is protecting us from the Tidal Basin. Me? I'll be up in Adam's Morgan watching the same news feed you are. But I'll let you know when there are fireworks. Or a nuclear attack. Or if I see Obama going to the Mayor's family's sporting goods store downstairs.
ReplyDeleteThose pens are AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteCarrie:
ReplyDelete1. Now that you've shared this information, you'd damn well better be buying me tons of Obama shit. I plan on wearing a temporary tattoo on Tuesday (and, I mean, going to the shop to have them trace it to make a permanent tattoo, obviously), but I could use some t-shirts (girl-fit, whatever looks like the appropriate size), bags, stickers, and anything bedazzled. Do they have pants with "OBAMA" written across the ass? I'm very anti-pants with words on the ass, but I'll make an exception for history.
2. Your post has actually made me want to attend. Which is funny because many of my friends will be some of those tourists, and they are planning to go, but all their discussions are like, "Bring warm clothes as we'll be there all day in the cold, and lots of food, prepackaged and unopen, and toilet paper for the outhouses." They make it sound so appealing. I imagine there will be dancing in the streets. I know there will be in Taupo, New Zealand.
3. I'm fucking serious about that bedazzled Obama stuff. You can mail it to 9 Williams Street Taupo, Waikato, 3330.
ALSO I cannot believe my father turned down tickets. I'm so sad right now.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm kind of bothered by that. He wasn't even apologetic. He'd pretty much decided I wasn't going. Punk. But seriously, it's like Rochester cold here today, so I'm not so sad. But when you read this, Dad, feel a little guilty.
ReplyDeleteToday I saw a beadazzled Obama hat with his face made in the beadazzles. It may have won my personal hideous Obamerchandise award. I have not seen any pants that say Obama on the ass. I'll look for them though. But we're at the center of the world this weekend and despite the cold, I think everyone's enjoying it. Even the homeless seem cheerier. Except there's not as many, because its freaking cold out.
Also, what's your twitter name? Because I love Twitter.
I should mention that I went to the Party Warehouse here in Albany the other day and they have these posterboard "framed" drawn portraits of like Abe Lincoln and MLK, and the other day there was an Obama one. There was also pins and other things that I imagine I would need if I was throwing an Obama inauguration party. Then, when I was checking out, next to the register I saw a display of posterboard Obama heads glued to sticks. So I can hold it in front of my face and do my own inaugural address? Not sure why, but they were interesting. Also, I went to Deja Vous, which is like a head shop in Albany, and there were posters of Obama as like a Western movie hero. With the reproduction movie posters for your dorm room.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Lundy said something to me the last time we saw a Pepsi ad about how they were making the logo and colors Obama-esque and I just thought it seemed that way, but was just a regular Pepsi ad. I guess that I was wrong and Pepsi is perhaps the official soft drink of the inauguration.
I am going to embrace the change of IKEA furniture on Monday! Viva Obama!
I should mention there's a song called "I Have A Crush On Obama" by Obama Girl. Someone played it at work during the inauguration, which we listened to on the radio in back.
ReplyDelete